


Call Out My Name

by DangerRollins



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Zombie Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - No Zombies, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Porn, Falling In Love, M/M, Smut, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 07:20:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14279844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DangerRollins/pseuds/DangerRollins
Summary: "I've always loved foreplay more than sex. I've always loved the chase more than the catch."They met in a gas station bathroom. That's how it happened.





	Call Out My Name

They met in a gas station bathroom. That's how it happened.

**We found each other**

**I helped you out of a broken place**

**You gave me comfort**

**But falling for you was my mistake**

Rick had been a damn mess all morning. He'd been in a rush to get back home to Carl, desperately wanting to see his son; To give him a big kiss on the cheek and tell him that he loved him and that eventually, everything would be okay. Even if he was lying through his teeth, even if he didn't mean a word of it, he still wanted to say it. He wanted to give his son some sort of comfort.

Lori had only passed away three weeks ago and the young boy was taking it hard. That was his mother, after all, of course he was. He was a mess. He didn't know what to do with himself anymore, didn't know what to feel, what to say, how to act, and he didn't know how to move on. Not yet, anyway, it was still too early for him. Rick understood that. They'd lost an important part of their family; Carl lost a little piece of his heart when he lost his mother. He'd never be the same again and he'd never feel the same again. He was broken. Rick wanted to fix him, but he knew he couldn't. Not yet. The boy just needed time to grieve.

Rick was pretty okay, given the circumstances.

He'd loved Lori. She was his high school sweetheart, his first love and the mother of his child. She'd been apart of his life for years and it was odd to think that he'd no longer see her every day; He'd never see her anymore at all. What hurt him most about her untimely death, though, was the fact that she'd died so young. Only thirty-five years old and she still had a long life to live. Because of a nuisance by the name of Shane Walsh, she'd no longer get to live it.

Lori had had an affair with Shane. It'd been a year and a half ago, apparently, and it'd only happened two or three times before Lori broke it off, feeling too guilty to keep the whole thing going. She had a husband and a child to take care of; A normal, sin-free life to live. She couldn't keep indulging, she wouldn't. So, she stopped it.

She ended up pregnant.

She knew that it wasn't Rick's, but she didn't tell him that. She didn't want anything to do with Shane anymore. She wanted to continue living with her husband and her little boy. She didn't want to be the talk of the town. She didn't want people side-eyeing her and whispering about how she'd screwed up her marriage by messing around with her husband's best friend. She didn't want people to know that she wasn't as perfect as she seemed.

Shane knew the baby wasn't Rick's the moment he heard about the pregnancy. His suspicions were confirmed when a beautiful baby girl with darker eye's than Rick's and a bigger nose was born. The moment he saw her...He knew.

As she continued to grow, Shane saw more and more of himself in her. He wanted to be there for her, he wanted to be her father. It got to be too much for him one day and he took it upon himself to tell Rick everything that'd happened between him and Lori a long time ago.

Rick hadn't been all that upset. Really, he hadn't.

Being cheated on by your wife--who is supposed to love you and stick with you until death does you part--sucks. Period. Your wife cheating on you with your supposed best friend is a hell of a lot worse, needless to say. Still, Rick wasn't as angry as he should've been. What little anger he did have was directed at himself. He wondered how he hadn't caught onto what was going on.

Rick didn't love Lori anymore. Not how he used to. He wasn't really sure if he'd ever loved her at all. Not like how a husband is supposed to love a wife. Sure, he loved her, but he wasn't in love with her.

She wasn't his dream girl, she didn't excite him, he was annoyed with her more times than not and sometimes he felt as if he'd be better off without her. Still, she didn't deserve to die.

Shane had been pissed that day. Between Lori's refusal to drop everything to be with him and let him raise his daughter and Rick's complete lack of a reaction to the situation (Which Shane thought meant he didn't love Lori as much as he should) he was about ready to blow his top. And he did.

He'd stormed out of the house, promising to make things right, and then he'd sped away in his beat-up pickup truck. Rick and Lori and spent a few hours discussing how things would go from then on. Rick had his mind set on divorce.

He figured if she'd felt the need to sleep with Shane, she must not have loved him, and hell, he was more than fine with that. It's not like he loved her either. When he told her that, she threw a bitch fit. Rick found it humorous--The fact that she'd cheated on him and now she was the one throwing a tantrum instead of it being the other way around.

After a few long hours of arguing, mostly her yelling at the top of her lungs about him not giving a shit about her, they agreed that a divorce would be just fine and Lori packed a few bags and headed out with intentions of driving up to her mother's house to spend a couple days until she could figure something out.

She didn't make it to her mother's house.

She'd taken Rick's car and Shane, who'd been out driving all day trying to clear his head, blind with rage, rammed right into her. Sent her flying straight off the road and set her--Well, Rick's--car ablaze.

Rick loved that fucking car.

Shane, in pretty bad condition from the accident he'd caused, had pulled himself out of his truck, limped over to make sure the job was done, and noticed it was Lori he'd hit and not Rick. She was unconscious, but she still had a chance to recover. She would've been fine, had he not spent so much time thinking.

He broke down after noticing it was her that he'd hurt, pulling her body out from under the car and away from the flames that hadn't yet touched her. He'd sat down in the grass next to where her car had landed, staring at her. She was all bruised and bloodied up, lying on her stomach looking half dead. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that that wasn't such a bad look on her.

He stared at her and he thought about how all of this could've been avoided if she'd just agreed to follow through with the plan he'd created in his head. Move in with him, forget Rick, and Carl too, if need be, and spend the rest of her life happy, with him and nobody else. Lori and him would've been the perfect match, and Judith would've been their perfect child. It all could've been perfect, and she ruined it.

The more he thought about it, the angrier he got. Eventually, he figured that ending her life would be just as good as ending Rick's. He took out his gun and he shot her with every bullet he had.

He didn't regret a god damn thing. All she had to do was love him, and she didn't. This was all on her.

It was tragic. Rick missed her, wished she hadn't lost her life over something so stupid, but he was doing fine. He was more concerned about Carl and Judith than anything. He just needed them to be okay.

"Fuck," Rick grumbled to himself as he stomped toward the entrance of the gas station. He'd spilled his scalding hot coffee all over himself and now he had to waste time in a gas station, cleaning himself up when he could've been on the road, heading back to Carl. "Fuck."

He entered the store, nodded at the old woman behind the counter, and took long, determined steps toward the back of the small building where he knew the bathroom would be. Of course, it was locked.

He knocked on the door softly, tapping his foot impatiently as he waited for a response. "It's occupied, jackass." Rick huffed and rolled his eyes as the gruff voice called out to him. "If it wasn't it wouldn't have been god damn locked."

"I wasted coffee on my shirt and it's really hot. I need to get some cold water on it so if you could--"

"That's not my damn problem."

Rick probably would've given up if he hadn't noticed the smoke flowing out through the cracks of the door. This asshole wasn't peeing or even taking a shit, he was just smoking.

"Can you just let me in for two seconds?"

"Are you stupid?"

"Maybe."

A few moments later, the door was pulled open, and a tall man stood there glaring at him. Rick noticed that the man had on the same type of shirt that the lady he'd first seen was wearing. "You work here?" He asked as he pushed his way in and went toward the dirty sink. The man closed and locked the door again before taking a seat on the toilet and picking up some sports magazine. "Yeah. I'm in here to try and get away from annoying customers, but..." He sighed as he drifted off.

Negan watched out of the corner of his eye as the handsome man turned the knob on the sink and used some tissue to dab some water onto his shirt. His hands moved shakily, he was fidgeting way too much and he seemed nervous, not to mention in a rush. Negan knew it was none of his business, and usually, he wouldn't bother making small talk with anyone, especially when they were intruding in his quiet time, but this guy sparked Negan's curiosity more than anyone he'd met in the past few days. Probably because he was a handsome ass son of a bitch with beautiful baby blues and curly hair that Negan desperately wanted to yank on.

It'd been a while since Negan had fucked anything or anyone. He figured he was just desperate now.

"What's got you all tense and terrified?" Negan questioned smoothly, leaning back against the toilet and flipping to the next page of his magazine.

Rick shrugged his shoulders a little before letting out a shaky breath and then unbuttoning his shirt. It was no use. The thing was ruined and it was still burning the hell out of his skin. "I need to get home to my son. My kids." He corrected himself as he squeezed his eyes shut.

"Why?" Negan cringed. He hated kids. He figured if he had any he'd be rushing to get **away** from them. But then, maybe that's why he **didn't** have kids. "It's a long story," Rick mumbled before rubbing his hair back. He used his knuckles to rub his eyes, clearly tired from what must've been a long day for him. Negan stared at him staring blankly at the sink as he rubbed the palm of his hand absentmindedly with his thumb. He looked lost.

"How far away from your house are you?"

"Twenty minutes."

Negan whistled and stood up, throwing his magazine to the side. He looked around the small room, noticing that it wasn't the dirtiest it could be. He grinned and looked at the distraught man. "I'm Negan."

"Rick."

"Right...Rick. Do you think your son could survive being at the house alone for say...Forty-five more minutes? Rather than twenty?"

"He's not alone, his grandparents are--"

"Great! Then he can definitely wait forty-five more minutes. Listen, you look like you could use a breather. A chance to calm your ass down, and me? Well, I need to work out some stress as well, so, maybe we can fuck."

Rick blinked at the man, wondering if he'd heard him correctly or if his mind was playing tricks on him. They didn't know anything about each other, they just met five minutes ago, and they were in a dirty gas station bathroom, and now this man wanted to have sex?

"Well, we don't have to go all the way," Negan shrugged, noticing Rick's dumbfounded look. "I can give you a blowjob and then maybe you can return the favor?" He suggested, wiggling his brows. Rick blinked at him again.

He had a son to get back to. His wife had just been murdered three weeks ago and he was still fucking seeing her. He'd just come back from court--Now wasn't exactly the time for him to be worried about getting his dick wet. He needed to be booking himself and his kids a therapy session, mourning and praying.

"Sure," He shrugged.

He didn't know why he agreed. What he should've done was slap Negan and storm out and get in his car and get home to his kids, but his brain was clouded and he was sick of doing what he was supposed to do and even more sick of stressing out about every little thing, and he just wanted to have a little bit of fun.

As Negan dropped down to his knees and started fumbling with Rick's belt, Rick couldn't help but feel like he was cheating on Lori. Her body was barely even cold yet, but here he was, moving on.

He brushed that thought to the side quick, fast, and in a hurry. She'd cheated on him, why couldn't he do the same to her? This was just him getting even, in a way. Besides, at least he waited until she was dead to move on to the next piece of meat rather than doing it when she was alive. He was already being more respectful than her.

That day had changed Rick's life and Negan's as well.

They did end up having sex, and Rick was home three hours later than he was supposed to be. Rick and Negan had sat on the bathroom floor of the gas station, catching their breath and talking. Negan had originally planned on leaving as soon as he emptied his nut sack like he usually did, but he wanted to stick around for some reason. He couldn't pinpoint why. Maybe Rick had just been exceptionally good at sex.

He'd screwed a lot of people, and most had been pretty damn good, but Rick was on an entirely different plane. Negan decided quickly that he'd be fucking Rick again. He figured Rick would feel the same way.

Negan, incredibly interested in the man known as Rick Grimes, had managed to coax him into talking about why he'd been in such a rush. Rick ended up telling him the whole story. He told him some things he hadn't even told anyone else too. He mentioned the fact that he'd felt a little relieved when he figured out Lori was gone for good, and how the guilt from thinking that for even just a second was taring him up inside. He told Negan about how he did kind of miss Lori, and he was kind of upset that she was gone, even if he didn't wanna admit that to himself very much. He told Negan about how rough this had been on Carl, of course it had been, his mother had been brutally murdered by his father's best friend, by a man who'd been like family to them, and now he was without a mother and they were the talk of the town.

Rick even told him about how he wished he'd never even married Lori. Their life together hadn't been all that great, and truthfully, Rick had only married her because he'd gotten her pregnant and that's what he was supposed to do. He'd never been in love with her, and he'd always silently wished that he was able to explore more and be with other people rather than being tied down. He figured those feelings were normal for a lot of married couples, but he still felt bad for thinking that way after she was dead and gone.

Negan took in everything he said, caring a lot more than he thought he would, and when Rick was finished, he promised the man that he'd help him with everything the best way he knew how.

They had sex again.

They exchanged numbers and then Rick was back on the road again, heading home. When he got there, he sat with Carl on the living room couch and held him while he cried for hours.

After that day, Carl didn't really seem to cry anymore.

Days, weeks, months and years went by, every day getting easier than the last. Carl and Judith grew and changed and Rick did the same thing. He stopped seeing Lori a few months after meeting Negan; Returned to the same man he was when she was alive, if not a better version. Carl still loved his mother and sometimes, he still missed her, but he was doing pretty okay. He was doing good in school, making new friends, trying new things, and being an asshole like all teenagers were. Rick was really happy that things were basically okay.

Negan had made good on his promise, helping Rick through a lot more than Rick thought he would've. They had sex every chance they got, and it was always amazing. Negan always knew just what to do to turn Rick into a babbling mess, and Rick did the same for Negan.

Negan, who'd started out hating kids and avoiding Carl and Judith at all costs, quickly became a huge part of the family. He warmed up to them almost as quickly as they warmed up to him.

Two years into having sex, things got to be a little complicated.

Negan had grown closer to Rick than either of them thought possible, and though they weren't officially together, he found that, much to his surprise, he really wanted them to be. Rick didn't.

For the first time in his life, he wasn't tied down, he wasn't required to act a certain way or do things a certain way, and he didn't have anyone to answer to besides himself. He liked it that way. If he wanted to go out to a bar and make out with some other man, he could. If he wanted to flirt with women at the grocery store he could. If he wanted to go to a party and screw somebody's boyfriend, he could. He wasn't able to do those things when he was younger, and he certainly couldn't while he was married to Lori. Now was his time to be wild and free and do whatever he wanted to do.

He liked Negan, he really did, and he was forever grateful to him for all that he'd done. Negan had become a huge part of his life, as well as his kid's lives, and there'd been many times when he'd saved their asses and made their lives a shit ton easier. Picking up Carl from school when Rick was late getting off from work, bringing them takeout when Rick couldn't find it in him to cook, playing peacemaker when one of the kids got into an argument with Rick. Negan had become an essential part of their lives over time, and Rick couldn't imagine him not being apart of their family, but...

Rick wasn't willing to be in another committed relationship. He just couldn't. His last one obviously hadn't ended so well, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to waste his time putting a label on things when they were already going so well right now. He just didn't see the point. He was perfectly content with the way things were going right now, and he didn't wanna change a damn thing about their little arrangement.

Negan didn't feel the same way.

Only one other time in his life had he felt this way about someone. Only one other time in his life had he actually developed feelings, deep, deep feelings, for another human being to the point where he became completely dependant on them. That person had been his source of happiness, the reason he kept going, the reason he dug his way out of all the piss and shit he'd been buried under all his life. Her name was Lucille. He loved her, a lot, and he promised himself after she left him that he'd never love anyone again, and up until he met Rick Grimes, he'd been doing a good job keeping that promise.

Now, he'd met Rick Grimes, he'd kissed Rick Grimes, he'd gotten a taste of what life with Rick Grimes was like, and he wanted, no, needed a whole lot more. You can't just give a kid a scoop of ice cream and send him on his way, expecting him to be content with it. Kids are greedy fuckers, selfish too, and they need more than that. They need a whole bowl. Negan needed more than just a scoop of Rick Grimes.

When he told Rick that, it hadn't gone as well as he thought it might. He hadn't been expecting for Rick to agree with him at first, hadn't expected for him to suggest them getting married or anything, but he at least expected the younger man to give it a little thought. They'd been basically together for the last few years anyway, why not just cut the bullshit and make it official?

"Since everything happened...Since meeting you, since things have changed, since I've gotten to actually discover who I am and what I want...I've realized that I'm not really...I don't think relationships are for me. I like the spark I get when I'm with you, I like the feelings you give me. I like what we are and what we do and how we work. The way we operate...It's perfect for me. I don't know if I'll feel the same if we really...Get together. Maybe it won't be as good. It won't be the same. I think I've kind of figured out, or at least finally embraced the fact that...I don't know, Negan. I've always loved foreplay more than sex. I've always loved the chase more than the catch."

"You've only been in one relationship," Negan nearly whispered. "It's not the same..I'm not--I'm not her! I'm different and you know that. I can be better, I can show you that sometimes relationships can be good, I can be good for you! You need to give me a chance. We'll keep the spark, I promise. You just need to give me a chance."

"No," Rick shook his head, his voiced laced with intense determination. "I can't.

**I put you on top, I put you on top**

**I claimed you so proud and openly**

**And when times were rough, when times were rough**

**I made sure I held you close to me**

Every part of Negan felt overly sensitive as he stared up at Rick, his eyes glazed over and barely focusing. He felt like he wasn't even in his body anymore, and every little touch was driving him crazy. His head was pounding, as was his heart, and his dick was throbbing just as bad. His muscles were sore and tired, his skin burning, his breath catching in his throat. The heat in the car was still on and it made the already stuffy space unbearable. He and Rick both were sweating a shit ton, and Negan felt as if he was being suffocated. His lungs were starting to burn. He needed more.

He moved Rick's hands toward his throat and sent him a small smirk before his face became blank again. The leather seats of his car were starting to irritate the skin on his back as he continued moving around. His legs were bent at the knees as he was too long to lie flat in the car, Rick's ass was pressing directly onto his dick to the point where it was almost painful.

Rick squeezed Negan's neck tightly, and had he been able to, Negan would've moaned. He felt so fucking light headed and dizzy. Nothing seemed real at the moment. He felt like he was seconds away from passing out. Rick's fingers were warm on his neck, and they kept squeezing tighter and tighter, even as Rick leaned down to lick a long strip from his chest all the way to his jaw. Negan shivered as the feeling of Rick's tongue on his skin made his cock twitch once again in his jeans. "Mine," Rick whispered before allowing his tongue to trail across Negan's cheek and then into his mouth.

Negan gripped Rick's bare ass as they kissed sloppily, sucking on each other's tongues and allowing their saliva to mix. Rick wiggled around, burning up and desperately wishing for Negan's cock to destroy him. He pulled away from the kiss when he was out of breath and allowed his grip on Negan's neck to loosen. Negan's whole body was red and he felt as if he was going to explode.

"The fuck are you waiting for, prick?" Negan teased, his voice raspy as it threatened to give out completely. Rick went back to squeezing his throat tightly. "Ride me," Negan demanded quietly. Rick didn't waste a second.

He positioned himself so that he could easily slide Negan's cock in him and then sunk down onto it, throwing his head back and letting out a lewd cry as he gave himself some time to adjust to the older man's size. Negan, though under Rick and currently being choked by him, took charge by lifting Rick up and moving his hips. Rick moaned at the movement and leaned forward to relieve some of the pressure of Negan's dick pressing right up against his bundle of nerves, but Negan quickly and roughly pushed him back and his hips back down. "Take it," he growled. "Don't run away."

Rick whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut tightly as he leaned back and began to rock his hips back and forth. Negan groaned and dug his fingers further into Rick's skin, his nails leaving scratches deep enough to break Rick's skin.

Rick's slow rocking quickly turned into a mixture of hasty rocking and bouncing, his breathing quickening, and stopping altogether at one point, and his tongue poking out between his lips as he concentrated on getting himself off.

Negan allowed him to do whatever felt best for him for a few more minutes, staying still and letting Rick put in all the work, and then he grabbed Rick's hands and pushed them off of his neck before jabbing Rick's sides with his fingers, causing the man to grunt. Negan quickly pushed the younger man off of him and repositioned them so that Rick was lying on his back with his legs spread, Negan in between them. Rick winced as he bumped his head against the car window and then clawed Negan's chest as payback. Negan only let out a breathy chuckle before lifting one of Rick's legs over his shoulder and then entering him again.

"Fucking fuck you motherfucker!" Rick howled, his eyes rolling into the back of his skull as Negan slammed into him again and again. He reached up to wrap a hand around Negan, but Negan quickly slapped it back down, pinning it over his head. "You don't get to touch me anymore," Negan growled.

Negan moved his hands, sliding them down Rick's body, trying to feel every bit of him, trying to dig into every crevice of Rick Grimes that existed, before finally resting them on the sides of his waist, pushing his hips down into the leather seats. Rick brought a hand up to cover his eyes as his stomach tightened up, warning him that soon enough he'd be reaching his release. Negan quickly pushed his hand down again, glaring at Rick before muttering a breathless yet stern, "No," and then thrusting even harder than he had been before. His speed slowed significantly as he tried to get deeper inside of Rick, and Rick writhed around, not sure which way to turn as Negan showed him no mercy.

Without even being touched, Rick's cock spurted it's warm liquid seconds later, and Rick cried out as he felt the gooey substance landing on his toned stomach. Negan leaned forward, plunging even deeper into Rick and causing the man's hand to fly up toward the window, trying to find anything to grip as he yelped loudly. Negan bit the man's lip harshly before licking the fresh wound, slowing down his thrusts until he came to a complete stop and then pulling out completely.

He hummed, scooping the warm liquid up on his fingers before shoving them into his mouth. Rick watched with a hungry look in his eyes, and eagerly took Negan's fingers into his mouth as Negan brought them closer to him. He sucked on them, licking them completely clean before slowly allowing them to slip out of his mouth. Negan leaned down and stuck his tongue out, allowing Rick's own tongue to tangle with it in a long and lust filled kiss.

Rick kept his hands to himself this time, but he was desperate to feel Negan once again. He wanted to tug on his hair or caress his jaw or trace the freckles on his back or squeeze his ass or **something** , but he wanted to be good, so he restrained himself.

Negan pulled away from the kiss suddenly and yanked Rick up by his curly hair, taking a moment to stare him straight in the eyes. "Turn around. Bend over for me." He instructed. Rick gave him a short nod before doing as told, maneuvering himself so that he was on his knees. He pushed his face into the warm seat and stuck his ass out to give Negan easy access. Negan slipped back in him in a matter of seconds, his thrusts quicker and harder than only moments ago and Rick immediately feeling overwhelmed by the feeling once again.

Rick clenched his fists and brought one up to his mouth to muffle his whimpers and moans. Negan allowed it, thinking of it as a challenge, one that he'd surely win. Rick could cut his vocal chords out and Negan would still find a way to make him scream his name.

Negan could feel himself getting closer to his release, and he kind of hated it, but he ignored that thought and slammed into Rick even faster, if possible. Rick nearly screamed as the sensitive head of his cock brushed up against the moist seat. He felt close to passing out, his second orgasm of the night coming on even faster than the first one. Tears slipped out of his eyes and his accent grew heavier as he slurred out Negan's name repeatedly along with curses and broken, obscene phrases, begging Negan to make him cum again.

The feeling of Negan's warm cum covering his insides was enough to send him over the edge. His jaw ached as he clenched his teeth. Negan moved his hips continuously, riding out his orgasm and taking in the sounds of Rick's sobs and the feeling of his skin underneath his hands. When he was completely done, he slowly slid out of the man, sitting on one side of the car while Rick gingerly turned around, sitting on the other.

It was silent for a few minutes as they both caught their breath, got dressed and gathered their thoughts. Rick didn't want to be the one to end the intense silence, it had to be Negan. Negan took his sweet time, blinking slowly and staring out of the foggy car window absentmindedly for a few minutes before looking at the floor.

"Alright, this is it," He sighed.

"It really doesn't have to be, Negan. I want this to keep happening, I want us to continue, and I don't want to go back to being miserable. I don't want to lose you," Rick's voice was raspy, his throat closed as he pleaded with Negan to stick with him.

**So call out my name (call out my name)**

**Call out my name when I kiss you so gently**

**I want you to stay (want you to stay)**

**I want you to stay, even though you don't want me**

"You're the first fucking person I've loved besides Lucille, you know that?" Negan spat as he paced the kitchen floors angrily. "I never thought I'd ever find anyone that could compare to her, I didn't want to find anybody that could take her place. I thought she was some type of fucking goddess that just couldn't be touched, that nobody would ever be able to hold a candle to no matter how hard they tried, but you proved me wrong. You showed me that she wasn't the only one in the world that could handle me, she wasn't the only one I was capable of loving, and all I'm asking is for you to let me do the same for you. I want to show you that Lori wasn't the only one you could be with, and I don't think that's too much to ask. I've done so much shit for you, Rick, all I do is give, give, give. I'm just asking you to do this one thing for me just this once!"

"Don't act like I never do anything for you," Rick scoffed, his cheeks reddening as his anger bubbled up inside his stomach. He was tired of pleading with Negan, tired of stating his case when he didn't have to. He was grown, he could make his own decisions all by himself, and he shouldn't have to explain his every move. He shouldn't have to consistently explain what he wanted. This was exactly what he was trying to avoid. "You realize how entitled you sound? I deserve this, I deserve that, do you hear yourself right now? You don't own me, I don't owe you for anything, and fuck you for thinking that I do. You and I agreed when this first started that we were only gonna have sex and have fun. We were just gonna have fun! Does this seem fun to you Negan? Cause I gotta tell you, when I think of fun, I don't think of this." He chuckled bitterly.

"Rick, you're being an asshole. You're not even giving this a chance--"

"I don't have to!" Rick yelled. "I never said I'd give a relationship with you a chance! I didn't sign a damn contract, I'm not required to try out a relationship just because you caught feelings when you weren't supposed to--"

"I thought we were both catching feelings. I mean, all the times you told me you loved me while I was fucking the shit out of you, or better yet, all the times you said it after crying on my fucking shoulder for hours over a glass of spilled milk, what was that?"

"I love you just--Not how you want me to--"

"Yeah, you love me when you need me and when I do something for you, but not when it's the other way around. Not when I'm asking you for something simple like for you to give me a fucking chance! Rick, I lost one of the loves of my life, I can't take losing another--"

"That's your problem," Rick growled.

Negan blinked at him for a few moments, his shoulders slouching as he leaned back a little, raising his brows. "What?"

"That's your fucking problem, Negan. You expect me to be with you, to give up my happiness to please you. You want me to settle down with you all of a sudden, and now you're pissed off that I won't go along with your stupid little plan for us. You want us to live in a little house on top of a hill, fucking raise the kids and the cows on the farm together, have Sunday dinner and go camping together. You want me to be your wife, your second wife," Rick stepped closer to Negan until they were nose to nose. "You thought Lucille was irreplaceable, you thought nobody would ever love you again, you thought life wouldn't go on without her and now you know it can and it will and now you wanna tie me down because I was unlucky enough to be the one to make you realize that. You're scared to lose me like you lost her and you don't wanna let me go because once again, you're afraid of losing the one good thing in your shitty, pathetic little life. You cling to whatever little bit of happiness that shines through the cracks of the cement you're buried under and I just so happen to be that happiness. That's not my fucking problem, Negan. I didn't ask to be that for you, I didn't ask to be anything other than another one of your quick fucks. So, whatever ideas you had in your head, whatever plans you made for our nonexistent future together, you can forget it, you can get rid of those right now because I won't marry you, I won't even claim you, I didn't back when this first started and I won't, not now, not ever," Rick's voice was filled with venom that didn't reach his eyes as he spoke. Negan had never seen him like this before, but he was glad he was witnessing it now.

Rick Grimes wasn't the wounded angel Negan had thought he was. He wasn't damaged goods either. There was nothing good about him. Not anymore.

"We can continue this. I want to. I really do. You just have to cut this shit out," Rick sighed.

"I loved you," Negan choked out, not sure what else to say. He brought Rick in for a rough kiss, opting to work his emotions out the only way he knew how to, the only way he knew Rick would allow. Rick walked them backward, towards the front door. He'd made it a rule that they didn't have sex in the Grimes household anymore. Too personal. Negan had thought it was crazy and since Rick had been going through a pretty tough time at the time he made it a rule, Negan figured it was just a passing phase. Apparently, it wasn't.

They didn't break the kiss as they walked all the way outside, the car already unlocked as they'd been planning to go to the movies before the heated argument started up. Negan shoved Rick against the vehicle harshly, listening as Rick hissed and jolted forward again to ease the pain in his back. Negan fumbled with the handle of the door and swung it open quickly, shoving Rick inside roughly before climbing in himself. They undressed as quickly as they could. When Rick was fully naked, he leaned over the seat to turn the heat that they'd turned on earlier off, but Negan quickly stopped him. He wanted to feel smothered and suffocated and hot and bothered because of something other than Rick Grimes, just this once.

**why can't you wait? (Why can't you wait, baby?)**

**why can't you wait 'til I fall out of love?**

**Won't you call out my name? (Call out my name)**

**call out my name, and I'll be on my way and**

**I'll be on my...**

"For once, Rick, It's not about you and what you want," Negan croaked. "This is gonna fucking kill me. I don't know how I'm gonna come back from this. This...Me finding you...was a fucking miracle, and miracles don't usually happen more than once. I don't know how I'm gonna come back from this. I'm not just losing you. I'm losing Judith and Carl and your friends and your family and I'm losing this fucking domestic lifestyle that I got to get a glance at, that I was close to having for myself but now it's just slipping through my fingertips and there's not shit that I can do about it. I fucking...I gave my all to this and..." Negan's breath caught in his throat as he got choked up, tears filling his eyes as he leaned back and stared at the roof of the car hopelessly. Usually, the top was down and he could see the stars shining brightly and gleaming with hope and happiness. Not tonight. Tonight, the roof was up and blocking his view, preventing him from even catching a glance at what could've been. "I didn't think I deserved this type of relationship for a long time...The type of relationship that I thought it was, at least. Happy, loving, caring. The type of relationship that you wanna stay in forever, the kind that gives you a family and a feeling of euphoria. I felt like I was living in a utopian society when I was in that house with you and your beautiful kids. If this had happened back then, when I thought I deserved anything less than a happy life with my love, I would've been fine. I would've bounced back. I would've been okay. Now...I don't think I am okay. I deserved this, Rick. I really did. I deserved to be happy. With you. With my dream. In my utopia."

"You did. You do."

"The worst part about this is the fact that we weren't even officially a thing. I'm not heartbroken over a motherfucking marriage gone bad or a bad split with my boyfriend. I'm just broken because a guy who sucked my dick for a while decided he didn't wanna suck my dick anymore. This shit didn't even start before it ended and I'm still fucking upset." Negan sighed heavily and covered his face with his hands, trying to calm himself down, but he only started sobbing.

Rick watched for a moment as his body shook with his cries before looking away. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and shielding his face with his hands as he let his own tears fall. He hated that things were ending this way.

"I have to go," Negan cried as he pushed the door open. It took all his strength and he had to sit there for a few more moments to catch his breath before he could get out of the car. "Fuck you, Rick Grimes," he chuckled shortly before slamming the door shut again. Rick jumped as the harsh sound filled the air before transforming into deafening silence. He tried to listen and see if he could hear Negan's dissipating footsteps, but he couldn't.

With a loud sigh, he flopped back to rest on the seat again, unsure of where to go from there. Negan was Rick's stability, and even though that's what Rick was trying so hard to get away from, he wasn't sure how he'd cope without it.

Rick had never related to Lori more, not even when she was alive. He'd often wondered what they had in common, it always seemed like there was nothing that the two of them shared, but it seemed now that they were more alike than Rick had originally thought.

Rick's head was clouded with thoughts of Negan as he sat there for a while longer. He already missed him and he had only been gone for a few minutes.

Rick glanced toward his left and stared out of the window for a few moments, Negan's face staring right back at him. He opened the car door, thinking that Negan might be there waiting to scoop him into his arms and kiss him and tell him that he changed his mind and that maybe they could work something out because losing each other and losing what they had with one another was dumb. Instead, he was met with nothing but a cool breeze, a disappointed looking Negan slowly fading away, and the empty space surrounding him.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow...Bro...Dude...Y'all...You guys...Wow.
> 
> I hurt my own fucking feelings with this shit. I ain't have no business writing anything like this smhh
> 
> I love me some angst though what can I say?
> 
> 7000 words of pain, I'm proud.
> 
> The fucking parallels between Rick and Lori are wild. I didn't even do it on purpose (while writing. I did ad some shit when editing but not that much tbh)
> 
> So how y'all feel about this? Who's side you on? I'm tryna see Rick's side of things but like...He really didn't have to do my boy Negan like that.
> 
> SMH my opinion kinda irrelevant cause I'm the one that wrote it. Just tell me how y'all feel lmao.


End file.
